Sunday, April 02, 2006

Wow it's been a lomng, long time since I blogged anything down. Well finally things are looking better for my family and I. My son is now 2 1/2 my daughter is attending college in LIU and she calls me most of the time. My husband and I are doing great.

I am working, not at the best place but hey I'm making my money. I am selling AVON, Gees I feel old. I keep in touch with my friends in Vegas and I made some new friends here in New York.

I am learning how to deal with idiots here in new york, especially at work.
I thank god everyday for my children my husband and my in-laws, they are the best.

well I will try to keep up with my blog now and try to make it look pretty.

Later,
Jen

Friday, September 09, 2005

Feeling BLUE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Today I feel so lost and alone. My daughter is off to college and it's killing me. I worry so much about her and I don't know how to let go. I know I should probably get some counseling. I can't sleep at night and I'm up all morning. I figure I should blog something down in my blogger even if it's just babbling.

Sunday, August 28, 2005

Break Through.......or Not

Well, I thought this weekend went pretty well,..... I visited my aunt which I have not seen in a while, it was very nice to see my son play with her grandson who is 5 years old. My uncle had a nice deep talk with me and he made me realize that I need to let go of the past.

I've been hurt by my mother and my sister sooooooo many times it's not even funny. He said he noticed since I was a little girl how they treated as if I was the black sheep of the family. It's really sad because when I lived in Vegas I was so happy and I never had to think about them or even know that we are in the same state. Now that I live here in New York, you can see the hurt and the pain in my face. I am sick and tired of people telling me that I look as if I suffered so much. don't know what to do need to start fresh and worry about my family. But just as I do that then things with my husband and I seem to bump heads. I went out to his best friends party, I was kind of debating wether I should go or not, I even told him how I felt, but it was as if I was talking to the wall, no hug, simpathy, or even told me that everything will be fine. So I decided to go and what happens I felt uncomfortable for a while because I had no one to talk to, my husband see's me standing against the wall by myself while everyone else is having a good time, and I am just left there alone. I went inside the house and sat in the living room by myself. Well towards the end it got a little better.

Later,
Jen

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

This is Freaking Weird!

Weird stuffHave a history teacher explain this----- if they can.Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.Both Presidents were shot in the head.Now it gets really weird.Lincoln 's secretary was named Kennedy.Kennedy's Secretary was named Lincoln.Both were assassinated by Southerners.Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson.Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839.Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.Both assassins were known by their three names.Both names are composed of fifteen letters.Now hang on to your seat.Lincoln was shot at the theater named 'Ford.'Kennedy was shot in a car called ' Lincoln' made by 'Ford.'Lincoln was shot in a theater and his assassin ran and hid in a warehouse.Kennedy was shot from a warehouse and his assassin ran and hid in a theaterBooth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.And here's the kicker...A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe, MarylandA week before Kennedy was shot, he was with Marilyn Monroe.

Friday, August 19, 2005

Rectangle

Ok, today's interview went pretty good. I felt comfortable and a little nervous at the same time. I had three people interview me at the same time. It's weird because I am used to sitting down with my boss doing the interview and here I was being interviewed myself.
Today was a good day, I was looking at my son while we were in the car and I fell in love with him all over again, he is sooooooooooo adorable. Well my daughter went shopping today for her dorm room. she is really excited and I am too. It really has not hit me that she will be gone, many parents can't wait to get rid of their kids. Me, I am hurting and sad that she will not be at home with me anymore. It's very difficult to let go, I was a single parent for 15 years, my daughter was my bestfriend and I grew with her too, I had her when I was 19 years old. Now she is all grown up, I must admit that she is a great kid. She does not answer back, she doesn't give me attitude or anyone else, she does not like to cuss, she is a smart kid and she loves to work, I can't ask for anyone better. When we lived in California my daughter had to grow up faster than other kids, I had two jobs to support us and there were times she had to walk to school alone, she had to be home alone waiting for me. I say that God has truly been there for me and my daughter, because there is no way I could have done this without him. At age 10 my daughter was doing her own laundry and she knew about hot/cold and delicates.
My daughter thanks me because she learned so much at an early age and she stated to me that she didn't mind. she says that she looks at some kids today and she can't believe some of their behaviors, I pray to god that he keeps her safe and that she becomes a teacher in the future, that is her dream. I LOVE YOU "ZENA"

Thursday, August 18, 2005

Horrible Day..............................Arggggggggghhhh

Well today I had another argument with my husband, and I feel really horrible. When I get upset with him I just want to be left alone. I don't want to talk to anyone and I don't want to be bother by him either, this way I can calm down. There are times when I sometimes ask myself is this marriage over. We have hurt each other and I feel that it's too late. I know I said things to him that hurt him but he has said and DONE things to me too. But no matter what I am always wrong, sometimes I feel that I am not normal or so he makes me feel like that.

I was told that it's normal for my husband to receive e-mails from his best friend's sister in-law showing her body. I also had to find some bullshit that was downloaded to the computer that was not really nice, but all this is normal to him and his friends so I guess I am the dumb one here not understanding that this is normal.

I wish I could turn back to when I lived in Vegas and he would come out to visit me. He made me feel so special, and he made me feel pretty and wanted, now I just feel like a bag of shit that needs to be thrown out.

Anyways enough about that..............I need to start focusing on me, me my son and my daughter. Now it's about me, I have to make myself better and live for myself. I have a job interview tomorrow and I hope I get this job. Even if I don't like the job I must stick to it. I need to meet people and get the hell out of this rutt. "Wish me luck"

This is my handsome Prince "Joseph Ryan" and my beautiful daughter "Zena Marie"

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Feeling pretty good

Ok, I got the code in for anyone to post comments, felt pretty good knowing I'm getting this blog together. So today I got a call for a job interview on Friday, I am pretty happy and praying that I get this job. I've been feeling like crap lately. I miss my friends in Vegas and I miss my old job. It's so hard to get used to New York. I have no friends out here and for some reason people out here seem angry and rude most of the time, don't get me wrong I've met pretty decent people out here too.

Now I am trying to find a place to celebrate my son's birthday party. He will be two on Sept. 11. I will probably have his party the following Saturday since it lands on a Sunday. I have no idea where to begin. (Me my son and My Husband)